Whole genome sequencing for Santa Clause (Eusanta pseudonicolaus) reveals population structure and genetic basis for obesity and altruistic behavior

Journal of Experimental Folk Mythology Research                                  Vol.1(1) p.3-27, Dec. 2013

Whole genome sequencing for Santa Clause (Eusanta pseudonicolaus) reveals population structure and genetic basis for obesity and altruistic behavior

St. Niklaas^1,2, Chris Kind², Wey Naks-Man², Holly Goust^1,2, Gee Sous^1,2,3
1Catholic University of All Saints and Deities ²Institute of Folk Mythology, Department for Belated Winter Solstice Celebration ³Corresponding author, Contact via prayer or personal revelation

Abstract: Santa Clause is a well-known hominid with a reported polar distribution, a peculiar hibernation pattern with short but intense activity in late December, and an extensive migratory pattern, covering most of the globe with particular many sightings in the western hemisphere. We present the first whole genome sequencing results for Santa Clause with samples from both previously described populations. The presumed stationary population (also known as shopping-mall Santa) was sampled via catch-and-release techniques while samples for the much rarer migratory population were acquired by cookie-and-milk presentation and analysis of the resulting saliva remnants. We could confirm that these populations differ greatly in their genetic makeup, justifying the classification in two different genera and therefore propose the appellation as Homo larvatus cocacolenis for the shopping-mall morph, while retaining Eusanta pseudonicolaus for the migratory form. While H. l. cocacolensis populations seem to be stable or growing, Eusanta shows no detectable genetic variation, indicating a very low population size of potentially only one individual, assumed to be the actual Holotype of the species. This underlines the importance of conservatory methods for Eusanta which may require further study on the phenotypic differences between the forms. The striking similarities between the two, like an insulating layer of fat, massive facial hair, red signaling color, and the affinity for children therefore have to be regarded as convergent adaptations to a polar, respectively winter centered life-style. Revealing the molecular basis of these adaptations might help our understanding of human diseases like obesity and social behavior like apparent altruism.

Keywords: Merry, Christmas, to, all, of, you! Roland